Test yourself and your partner with the following non-scientific "gut-check" questionnaire. Examine your "gender differences" and allow the discussion to lead to constructive re-examination of family parenting practices.
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Maternal is more important than paternal in the successful upbringing of a child.
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Answer: Both parents should be of equal importance. Each parent brings similar and complimentary parenting skills and experiences to their children.
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Shared parenting (post-separation) should only occur if both parents agree.
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Answer: Shared parenting should be the right of both parents, but more importantly the right of every child. |
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Fathers are more likely to be responsible for a marriage breakdown. |
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Answer: Canada practices "no fault divorce", so getting caught up in this is a fool's game and only gets in the way of the "best interests of the child." |
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The Tender Years Doctrine is correct in asserting that young children should remain with the primary caregiver, post-separation. |
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Answer: To accept this would be to fail to recognize each family's right to determine what works for their family. 10% of fathers take Paternity leave. Should that disqualify those mothers from shared parenting? |
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A parent who is the primary caregiver should have the legal right to move away with the children for personal reasons (i.e. new partner, job, etc.). |
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Answer: This is a difficult issue. Both parents should feel a strong obligation to remain where both parents remain actively involved in the child's life. If not possible, the parents must work out a parenting plan that best matches the current quality of time each parent has with their child. |
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Fathers are disproportionately more likely to miss their support payments or their access time than Mothers in a similar situation. |
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Answer: This is a myth. There is evidence that suggests mothers are more likely to miss support payments if they are the "non-resident parent." Research is limited because the focus is on the so-called "deadbeat dad." |
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The parent who no longer dwells in the family home with the children is most likely responsible for the separation. |
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Answer: This is a myth. Most dads simply believe that they are more adaptable and they undervalue their parenting importance. They also want to avoid conflict with their children's mother and disruption for their children. |
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The life of the children’s primary caregiver is most negatively affected by the separation and divorce. |
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Answer: Both parents face a difficult road, but let us propose the question differently. Would you rather care for your children on a daily basis or see them on Wednesday and every other weekend? |
