This page includes Barry’s writing and highlights real world separation cases, notes on books by divorce experts, and guest posts from families who engaged with Kids ‘n’ Dad services.
Browse by topic using the tags, or explore these highlighted articles below. Scroll to the bottom of the page for the archive of Barry’s 50+ essays, open letters, and reflections.
Barry in the news
Articles by Barry that were featured in local newspapers over the years.
Every dad wants what’s best for his children
My 47th Father’s Day intersects with the recent passage of my 75th birthday, a milestone that started me on a journey of remembrance from childhood to adolescence, to parenting and grandparenting.
Twenty three years ago this month, I embarked on the most unpredictable and life-changing journey of my life – a separation with children after nearly 25 years of marriage.
A father’s love is forever, through whatever
The Record’s Father’s Day weekend edition — specifically the June 20 story “More men go for parenting advice” — was disappointing and troubling for the implications about the importance of the role of fathers in the life of their family.
Separation Stories and Cases
Hear from others who have walked the path of separation before you. Some of these posts were guest-authored for Kids ‘n’ Dad.
After my parents divorced
Letter to God from a Proud Father
Lessons from a Separated Dad
I am the silent unseen voice…I am the “new” wife that stands behind my husband who has battled through a court system for 7 years just to have access to and the right to be a father to his daughter.
Decency in divorce: reflections from a separated dad
Decency is to me that innate ability to do the right thing. To overcome those visceral emotional feelings that we all share and still manage to act in a way that is just, fair and equitable. The process of separation is long. It’s not pleasant.
Divorce in the headlines:
- The worst kind of custody dispute (National Post)
- Eight things kids of divorced parents want their parents to know (Huff Post)
- A father daughter bond, page by page (New York Times)
Full blog archive
Recovery beyond separation
Where are you on road to recovery? What does the choice to separate feel like? Does it feel like a necessary, but difficult choice? Does it feel like a weight has been taken off your shoulders now that your unhappiness is in the open? Are you feeling overwhelmed or paralyzed by the decisions that have…
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Telling the Children
Our experience working with over 600 parents finds that telling the children about the breaking up in a meaningful and purposeful way is rarely done. Parents find many excuses for NOT doing so: Stumbling about is not an effective parenting strategy, and not talking to your child(ren) is a serious misstep in the long term.…
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How to get started about talking to your kids about the break-up
Talking to your children about separating or breaking up is hard to do! The end of an intimate relationship is often messy; the end of an intimate relationship with children is messy and complicated at best, gut wrenching and devastating at worst. The decision to end an intimate relationship with children triggers difficult conversations. Unfortunately,…
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What Matters Becomes Clear…Hopefully: Parenting and the pandemic
‘…there is no mystery of human behavior that cannot be solved inside your head or your heart.’ Gavin de Becker, The Gift of Fear A recent article in the Globe and Mail (‘Pandemic complicates parental-access battles’ April 11, 2020) suggest lawyers are busier than ever as separated parents clash over changing custody orders for their…
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Our Kids Matter
Article by Barry Lillie, published in The Record, April 2014 as Insight Essay. (References to further articles removed) Twenty three years ago this month, I embarked on the most unpredictable and life-changing journey of my life – a separation with children after nearly 25 years of marriage. I had every expectation that the separation would…
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An open letter to separating parents on preserving all the essential relationships that help children thrive
There is something ultimate in a father’s love, something that cannot fail, something to be beloved against the whole world. – Frederick Faber, priest Lost in the hype of Father’s Day is the continuous, diminishing of the importance of a dad, unless it is within the intact family. The post, intact family role for a…
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A second open letter to parents beginning a complicated blended family
A great deal is written about blended families. I often employ the adjective ‘complicated’ to understand the creation and early journey of this new family – almost always founded from loss and hope. Many of you may be wondering why I keep emphasizing ‘complicated’? Take a moment and consider all the relationships that are likely…
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Money matters and separation
Note: The following was written a few years ago and as such resources may be difficult to find; however, the subject matter/issues remain. Use the different sections to find more recent articles. The legal section also include information re: financial obligations. Reality Check! Two homes cost more than one home! Family income is unlikely to…
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An Open Letter to Separating Parents re: Child Parenting Arrangements
In our You’re Still Dad support group parents often spoke about the issue re: joint custody vs. sole custody. Our experience after almost twenty years working with newly separating parents suggests that the risk to the non-sole custody parent’s relationship with their child is significantly endangered in a sole custody arrangement. Occasionally sole custody may…
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Every dad wants the best for his children
This article by Barry first appeared as a columnist submission in the Waterloo Region Record on July 15, 2019. My 47th Father’s Day intersects with the recent passage of my 75th birthday, a milestone that started me on a journey of remembrance from childhood to adolescence, to parenting and grandparenting. There are those who suggest…
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