The questions are never ending.

A personal story: I thought that I was prepared for the separation. My children’s mother and I had a civil conversation about the separating process and telling parents and friends in a no-fault explanation. I had agreed (for no reason other than caretaking) to leave the matrimonial home- for a room in a friend’s parents’ home.

As soon as I started the 30-minute drive to my new place, I became desperate, lonely and overwhelmed with grief and loss.

I would describe myself normally as a rock, but the next day as I drove past a swamp on my left it took everything not to swerve off the road. It was the first time in my life that I had such dark thoughts. That troubled moment has remained in my memory for 30 years.

Separating and separating by leaving your children and family home is an experience that we are ill-prepared for no matter our gender or our position on separating.

 I offer this anecdote because situational depression is a common experience.

It is important that a plan is in place for future, sharing/spending time with your children before leaving the home. DO NOT ASSUME that it will all be worked out…eventually.

Recovery is more difficult for a parent who is not seeing or assured that they will be with their children on a predictable, regular schedule, sooner than later. Consider a mediator or another suitable professional to work out an interim parenting plan prior to anyone leaving the family home, if possible.

In the Resource Hub, there are readings that may meet where you are in the separating process. Dealing with the different stages of grief-similar to the death of a loved one- may be the best starting point. Many authors focus on the journey that most separated parents go through in some way.

Read our post about Judith Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee’s book What about the Kids – a good place to start re: the personal impact of a separation.

Try to find readings that provide spiritual renewal and pragmatic, self-help steps. Moving toward recovery can be slow moving. There are always unexpected, unprepared for triggering events that set us back; recovery is about acquiring the tools that make you more resilient.

Your resiliency is perhaps the most important gift that you can showcase to your children. Resiliency will serve you well.

Included in the Resource Hub is research on the prevalence of depression for fathers and mothers going through a separation. Remember, for many parents the separation often follows many months, even years, of feeling low or worse. Many parents experience what is called situational depression– depression directly triggered by the separation and the many negative outcomes that are directly related.

The most significant of these outcomes are almost always connected to the challenges faced in every important relationship.

Please read the articles related to depression for they have direct consequences upon your children and your workplace.

Many of the readings offered are intended to inspire or to awaken us to the changes taking place in every intimate, family relationship. There is going to be a great deal on your plate for some time, and many will be parenting, or relationship problems never encountered.

I found in 2 or 3 key books an understanding of what was going on in the chaos of my family’s life. I considered those books to be lifesaving for they provided insight that cut through the chaos and restored some form of equilibrium.

I found comfort that what I thought was happening, had happened to many others. It didn’t always solve the specific issues, but it removed doubt about my own sanity and what I was facing going forward. That was very important!

The Resource Hub includes recommended books and personal stories that our 800+ clients found to be supportive in their journey to personal survival and even family renewal.