I once held a You’re Still Dad Support Group meeting that ended up as a powerful lesson on forgiveness.

At the conclusion of the meeting I requested that each participant speak briefly about some action or inaction that they were now proud of during the separation. My hope was to end an often-difficult session on a positive note.

As I went around the group, the statements were often about walking away from a difficult situation – a dad who stated that he didn’t get into a brawl with a man who had cheated with his former spouse. The group empathized with his initial thought, but agreed that no action was better.

We arrived at the final dad, who I had worked with for 2+ years. His situation was particularly egregious, unwarranted, and heart-breaking. He had seen his child, but once in two years. He was/is a remarkably spiritual, older man. I had left him to the end in part to limit the length of his words for his situation can drown out all others.

He then spoke eloquently about forgiveness. He spoke about a last 15 minute meeting with his son and how he had told him he would always love him and would always be available to him. He spoke about the child’s mother and how he had forgiven her in his heart. He then spoke about the weight that had been lifted from his shoulders – from his very being in reaching this stage.

Every wounded dad in the room was touched by his words and I believe wished they could arrive at his current place, including myself. He is the model that I strive to become. I am inching closer, but I am not yet there.

In the end, forgiveness is actually a gift to oneself and to our children – by lifting a weight that limits the joy in our life going forward. His lesson is one for every parent going through a separation.

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