For more on alienation see the Open Letter to Parents Facing Estrangement or Alienation.

Please find below just about everything that you never wanted to know, but need to know, about alienation and estrangement. The readings are in different sections, but are obviously intimately connected.

These cases have been the most troubling in my 20+ years working with alienated/estranged parents. The impact is heartbreaking for the parent and grandparents of the impacted child(ren). Many stepfamilies are unable to survive the stress.

It is common (understandable) to become obsessed in this kind of situation and be focused on what is happening and not on how to mitigate the impact through positive steps. Remaining healthy through the chaos of alienation is perhaps the most important survival tool for a parent.

The following are possible resources that may help you under stand what is taking place in your life. Understanding is a first step because friends may simply think it is just you being angry – ‘you have lost it!’ One link below includes a survey to help you determine what you are facing and therefore set out an approach to limit the impact.

External resources and tools

The following tools were created by organizations or professionals that support separated/separating families.

1. Explaining Alienation (PAS), Estrangement, Hostile Aggressive Parenting (HAP)
2. Parental Alienation Syndrome – a questionnaire for self assessment
3. Hostile Aggressive Parenting – a questionnaire for self assessment
4. Parental Alienation- Information Page for the Alienated Parent (Gene C. Colman); Mr. Colman is a noted lawyer and advocate/researcher on this topic.
5. Parental Alienation Cases: Will the courts switch custody? (Gene c. Colman); Look up other research done by Mr. Colman for more on this topic
6. Parental Alienation Syndrome: How to Detect It and What to Do About It (J. Michael Bone and Michael R. Walsh – experts in this area).
7. Parenting After Separation Participant’s Manual – Section C – The Alienated Child Family Law in Alberta
8. Campaign: Ask DSM to Include Parental Alienation in Upcoming Edition (Fathers and Families)
9. Parenting Plan for High Conflict Families (Parenting After Separation Alberta). A resource to prevent escalation of conflict.
10. That toxic tug of war (Globe & Mail, April 24, 2009 by Justice Harvey Brownstone). This Justice speaks out on what he sees in his court and his solution for changing outcomes.
11. Hague convention (Government of Canada). This is the ‘world court’ that governs international child abduction.
12. Parental Alienation – Keeping Families Connected; A resource to identify, battle and recover from the devastating effects of PA and PAS.

Case studies

Actual situations that capture the tragic impact of different forms of alienation.

• ‘Worst kind of custody dispute’ ends with $500,000 in lawyer fees after a 36-day trial (National Post).  A must read referred to often in our site.
• Their child is almost 11 years old- so is their child-custody fight (National Post March 20, 2017).
• Mom loses custody for alienating dad. (Toronto Star)
• No jail time for woman fled to B.C. with daughter (CBC)

Kids ‘n’ Dad posts on alienation

The following essays submitted to Kids ‘n’ Dads from our clients reflect the many impacts of alienation on all family members.

• My family matters, too – by a stepmother reflecting on alienation in her blended family

• Letter to God from a proud father – an essay from one of our dads

• How Do You Recognize A Criminal From A Father? Facing a failing system – by a father reflecting on a custody case

Readers may also find Barry’s Open Letter to Children Estranged from a Parent useful as a tool to help reconnect an adult child and parent.

Final comments on alienation

Depression, individual and extended family, is very common for families in high conflict cases. The recommended resources provide an incomplete range of outcomes. Remember the tragic outcomes can often be for a lifetime. Seek out professional support for your family early on (warning signs noted), make sure that the support has a two parent strategy in place and what that looks like.

Families are profoundly harmed in these situations. Don’t get caught up in PAS debate. It is the behaviors that impact children and alienated family members. Review the resources in Section 1 and check off actual observed behaviors. This will help you understand your situation and to identify what next steps need to be taken.

Please look over the entire site for different topics that may help you understand what is taking place. Sometimes we jump too quickly to a PAS diagnosis when some steps by the other parent fall into dull to normal actions by a separating parent trying to put in place two home boundaries e.g. changing the locks on the matrimonial home.